THE INSTITUTE IS, WELL, THE INSTITUTE...

But is The Carlton Institute the building, is it a place in our little city, is it a place somewhere in time, is it really there at all, or do we just think it's there because when the light reflects off the outside of that weathered brick, we perceive, in our mind's eye, something physical, when it could be only the aura, the illusion, the transcendence of time and space, merged in an inexplicable mirage of pretty heavy thoughts, but then, in our opinion, this is not the time or place to even get into this right now, because you want to know about the institute, so it's with great pride, that we announce the relocation of the headquarters of The Carlton Institute for Advanced Opinionated Studies from our old location just South of town, to the former Carlton Hotel building, downtown, on Broadway, just up from the National Bank, across the street from the UE2Much Diner, where we all had coffee this afternoon, except for Biff because, well, he doesn't usually spend a lot of time out of the building, but regardless of that, of course, and certainly, it's just our opinion, but we feel that it's fitting that this historic and legended structure will be the centrus from which the Institute will continue to flower as the preeminent centrus of the historic and legended opinions that have been the centrus of our existence for, how many years has it been now, yes a Big Lot!, so now your can see why the name change from Pic & Save was valuable, because how could you say, "How Many Years Has It Been Now, Yes A Pick & Save," so truly, those Madison Avenue suits do have their eyes on the road and their ears down there on the centrus of things, but they did miss the opportunity to snag this building and we were Johnny On The Spot, and that was probably nothing less than Devine Interferon, because, in many ways, these plastered walls, these casement windows, these tin ceilings, these glass doorknobs, these screw-in fuses in the just barely legal fuse box down in the dank, dimly lit basement, just across from the almost non-functioning heater, where Biff insists on keeping that old folding-leg card table that is just about fall over, taking that almost finished winning hand of Solitaire down on the cement with it, when, in fact, all that was meant to be said was that the Carlton Hotel, in our opinion, almost mirrors the circuitous path The Institute has taken, from two with a vision, to two starting to make it big, to two in crash and burn mode, to two grasping at the shattered, pieces of a shattered dream, shattered, while, as animals locked in the shattering glare of far too powerful halogen headlights, we hunkered, shattered and broken, unable to rise from our shattered desks, toward the shattered windows, from which, if we could have shattered the chains that shattered us, we could have seen the hint of rays of sun, piercing the now less shattering storm which was now seeming to calm, but yet, shattering the bonds of near-failure that nearly shattered and, looking back, in our opinion, almost shuttered the whole shooting match, but we were able to Break On Thru To The Other Side, unleash the bonds of bondage that had bonded us, and start to rise again, so when we were told that the Carlton property might be available, we were two guys Singin' In The Rain,  because when thirty years ago, the interstate passed the by the town about some ways up North of Broadway, and the businesses began to flounder, the remainders of the Holzworth family were just barely able to keep the business running smoothly, what with Billlie Bob Junior already a Sophomore at State Tech, and probably not planning to return to these parts, and Billlie Jean run off with that Mike boy who worked at the Texaco by the off ramp down near the East Side, and the baby, Billl Billlie Billl, still in diapers, it was all that Billlie B Senior and the Mrs could do to get people checked in, let alone clean the bathrooms that were all down the hall, which, of course, in our opinion, people did not like when they lugged their stuff upstairs and then as a fine Howdy Do, found out that there was no commode and no shower in their room, and that they had to walk down the hall to use the facilities when the guy just ahead of them left it looking like the rest room at the Texaco down near the East Side that that boy Mike was supposed to keep clean and tidy, and that lack of attention to detail was probably, in our opinion why they let the boy go in the first place, and, why he stumbled, dejected and forlorn, into the NoWhere Bar on the North of the South Side, and why, when Billlie Jean, who had walked in with a group of her friends, and, you know, we mean, she was not a drinking kind of person, she was just having a few with her high school Theater Society pals, and you know how some of those theater people can make everything more dramatic than it is, and here is Mike, two stiff ones down, and now really dejected and even more forlorn, nearly passed out on the floor, and Billlie Jean, with her fragile, and some say, not quite all there mind, starts to see that scene from Rebel Without A Cause replay in her fragile, and some say, not quite all there mind, and she feels compelled to come to the rescue of the poor sap, and the next thing you know, she and the boy are in the pickup, heading across the stateline to that better life of dreams in the city, but then, in our opinion, the Holzworth clan, they always were a strange bunch, we mean like who is it that names all their kids Something  Billlie or Billlie Something, and the spells it with three "L's" when really, we mean, there had to be something just off center a little, as they say, One Brick Short of a Load, The Light's On But Nobody Is Home, and this includes the whole lot of them, but who are we to sit in judgment when, in fact the situation turned to our favor when they finally put the place up with a local Realtor ~ people, in our opinion, that you should contact when you are considering buying or selling real property because they are professionals and can help guide you through the intricacies of the process while guiding you through the maze of financing options while guiding you to a qualified loan representative who, while probably the cousin of the salesman you are dealing with, can guide you to a well crafted financing package that will allow you to complete the purchase, irrespective of your actual ability to pay when the first adjustment of the too-good-to-be-true initial rate expires and you are faced with a now re-indexed rate that is far beyond any even bad dream you might have had about how bad things can get ~ but, of course, the Carlton was for sale, and with the help of some federal, state, county, city, and Rotary Club grants, we were able to get the property and retro-restore the building from its at that time pretty good shape to what it would have been like, how many years ago has it been, when, what with the WalMart that went in on the North Side, the whole downtown in general and this particular building in particular was in the pits, and you could have probably bowled a bowling ball right down the center of Broadway and set a rack of bowling pins out in front of the Methodist Church and have your bowling team have bowling practice, with their shimmeree polyester bowling shirts on, wearing those bowling shoes with those numbers that are sewn right on the back, and nobody would have even known that you and your bowling team were in the middle of the bowl, except when someone threw a strike with such power and conviction that the bowling ball went through the bowling pins and kept rollin’ and bowlin’ right down the street, until, of course, it got to the slight turn at the light where Broadway veers off to the left a little and the McCormick & Concannon Funeral Home and Flower Shoppe would be right there if it had kept going straight, and if there was a service underway, in our opinion, that would not be good to have what should be a solemn and dignified ritual interrupted by the Brunswick seventeen pounder crashing through the flower vases like they were the bowling pins that had been set up in front of the Carlton Hotel building, except, of course, if, among the mourners, there were some bowlers, who, when they were not attending funerals, were proud members of a Bowling Team that was probably in good standing with a Bowling League, who would have appreciated the skill of the bowler in being able to achieve such good ball placement from such a distance away and would be secretly wishing that they could exit stage left to run up Broadway to get the name of the individual who bowled such an impressive bowl, but because of dignity and respect, that could probably not, in our opinion, happen, and since the point of this short note was really to give some notes on our acquisition and re-crafting of the building, and even show you a few photos we snapped with the old Minolta, we should note in closing that we are especially proud of the front entrance treatment, because in our research, we heard tell of the story of the big bust of what, say, maybe, twenty seven years ago, when the Man came down and tossed every one out of the building and boarded up the front doors because of reports of some, what might have even been called less than proper activities in the upper floors, so we strove to recapture that exact place in time, because it was the lowest of low points for the Carlton, and in our opinion, back then, the State of The Institute was at a similar ebb, and we wanted that memory clear in our minds each day that we arrived for work, so that's the feeling that we wanted to remain as symbolic of the now-resurgence of the Institute, and, in our opinion, we think we did a daw-gone good job, we mean, look at that weathered particle board, that old federal agent kind of padlock, that Don't Come Near Here Or You Are In BigTrouble Buddy feel as you approach, so if you come over for an in person visit some day, try the door on the alley around in the back, or, if that's locked, stand in the middle of the street and throw a rock or two at the third window over on the second floor because that's where we probably are, working at our WWII, the big one, war surplus metal desks, and there's no danger of getting hit by a car because since the Interstate was built around the town, there's barely any traffic on the street, and the few cars that are around are probably steered by old people who are driving slowly because their reflexes are not so good any more, or people who are coming up from the city because one of their relatives is in the State Penitentiary on the South Side of town, just down Broadway, left just past the light, then down a little ways or maybe farther, then it's the big building about seven hundred yards up from the highway, with the chain link fence around it, and you'll know it's not really any regular kind of open store yard, or fenced in store yard, or secured store yard, because there is barbed wire along the top of the fence, and individuals with large guns watching another group of individuals that are all pretty much dressed alike, except for hair styles, which in this otherwise restrictive environment, still gives an individual a chance to show individual individualism that enables each individual to make the loud and clear individual statement that even though they are simply one individual that together with other individuals make up this group of individuals, it's the individuality of any single individual that gives the individual the individuality needed to maintain some sense of being a unique individual in this world where individuals are so often beaten down and pressed down to forego their individuality to become one of the masses, which in the prison system, is probably one of the guiding credos, and which, in the individual case of our new quarters in the Carlton Hotel building, means that we, as individuals, welcome all of you, as individuals, to individually or in groups of individuals, come to visit us at the headquarters of The Carlton Institute for Advanced Opinionated Studies, and when you get here, you'll notice, we believe, in our opinion, that in honor of our new headquarters, we have renamed the Institute, The Carlton Institute for Advanced Opinionated Studies, which in our opinion, is a nice touch, you know, related to the old place that was here before, so....

Hey! Don't be a stranger! Come on over! Let's have coffee! There’s always a fresh pot on at the Dunkin’ Donuts.